New Blog...

As you notice, I haven't written much here lately, as I'm in a state of confusion about what to do with my/our blogs...

Should I keep writing on my blog, or start a new blog for both of us to share? Does it really matter since I'm the only one who writes anything anyway? Maybe I'll keep rambling on this blog, but have a more "professional" sounding blog for up-dates and such...

Duane thinks that "Wordpress" blogs look better than "blogspot" blogs, and so I have embarked on the journey of learning how to use yet another web-site. Check it out: epicgranola.wordpress.com

"Granola", is becoming a popular term in the West coast. Never heard of Granola? These are my favorite definitions from "Urban Dictionary":

1. Usually found in the northern Rocky Mountains of the continental United States. Often mistakenly linked with hippies, however have no over-arching motivations for societal progress. Instead are focused solely on spending the majority of their time engaging in outdoor recreational pursuits.

2. People that go hiking, ice climbing, and other outdoor activities while munching down on granola bars, trail mix and sipping hot beverages from coffee stands. They will only drive a Subaru and would rather carry pepper spray instead of a gun even though pepper spray is virtually useless in Alaska.

3.An adjective used to describe people who are environmentally aware, open-minded, socially aware and active, anti-oppressive/discriminatory (racial, sexual, gender, class, age, etc.) with an organic and natural emphasis on living, who will usually refrain from consuming or using anything containing animals and animal by-products (for health and/or environmental reasons), as well as limit consumption of what he or she does consume, as granola people are usually concerned about wasting resources. Usually buy only fair-trade goods and refrain from buying from large corporations, as most exploit the environment as well as their workers, which goes against granola core values. The choice of not removing body hair and drug use are not characteristics that define granola people, and people, regardless of granola status, may or may not partake in said activities. This definition is sometimes confused with hippy.

Although we're not 100% granola - the only name-brand clothing I own was on-sale at a thrift store, but that does go along with the whole "not wasting" and such. So, if you are going to put us in the box, we'll fit best in this one...although there are no guarantees of us staying in our box, since we do like fresh air and out-door activities...

The Death of a Vision...

A year and half ago, I was in Costa Rica, learning about working with Children at Risk. One day, one of our speakers talked about vision and the process God takes us through to refine our vision and then make the vision a reality.

All I remember now is that step 6 or 7 in the process, is "the death of a vision," the part where we give up and realize it's not going to happen, unless He makes it happen. And that's where I was at. I had planned a whole trip to India to do my internship, and now it wasn't going to happen. So frustrating, but yet hopeful, as I knew God would bring it about in His time.

The year and a half since then have been long, but good. I've learned and grown, and re-evaluated my vision, and got married, and combined our visions together.

I'm pretty excited to finally be going back to India!! And I'm not going alone!! When we get there, we going to find a place to live, and get a Hindi tutor, and start learning language and culture with a group of people. We'll get to see some of our friends from Idaho, and meet new people, Hopefully in 6 months we'll come up with a long-term plan for visa's as well as where we'll be living.

I can't wait!!!! 5 weeks till we get on that plane to India :)

Kansas City

Two days in Kansas City was not long enough.

We stayed at the Vaughn's house, which seemed like a great place to rest, but we were pretty busy.

We had lunch with one of Duane's friends, and then spent the evening at International House of Prayer (IHOP).

I have always wanted to go there, because I love soaking in Jesus' presence. However the down-side to a 24 hour prayer room which seats 1200, is that people come and go all of the time, which is rather distracting to people like me.

For me, I like to soak with small groups of people, and if there's lots of people, than there should be passionate worship. I like to put worship in those boxes...

Who Cares What Rob Bell Believes?

Who really cares what Rob Bell believes? Unless you are a disciple of Rob Bell, and want to just blindly follow whatever he says.

Anyway, thanks to all of the controversy, we decided to go hear what Rob Bell had to say, since he happened to be speaking at a college in Nashville (where we are at the moment).

Apparently the whole controversy is: would a loving God really send people to hell? Rob Bell's one statement related to that topic was: "even after death, people get to chose heaven or hell, but if they resisted God on earth, they'll probably still resist him then." Really? It sounds like "The Great Divorce" by C. S. Lewis, who also wrote "the Lion, the witch and the wardrobe," but we don't go around looking in closets trying to find Narnia.

I was expecting it to be a big theological debate, but that's not Rob's heart. I'm glad, because that would have all gone over my head, and been a waste of an hour and a half.

Rob just wants to talk about the love of God, and how His kingdom is not just in heaven, but can be here, now. Jesus prayed, "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Also, Christians should be known as people who love everyone, even those who don't like us. The people who Jesus criticized where the Pharisees - the religious leaders who were super legalistic and judgmental. Instead of showing God's love to the lost, they condemned everyone as not good enough. They missed the point.

Rob Bell is a good speaker, and has a great sense of humor. He loves God and wants everyone else to know God's love. But as far as answering any questions, it was all pretty open-ended. It kind of makes me want to read the book, to see what he says, but like I said at the beginning, who cares what Rob Bell believes? Just get to know God for yourself.

Our "Friendly" Neighborhood Walmart

Usually going to Walmart gives me that wonderful feeling of being in a familiar store, which has everything I need, and of course a slightly different lay-out, just to keep me on my toes.

It's not so at my nearest Walmart.

The atmostphere is set from the moment I pull in and pass the man on the corner with the cardboard sign asking for "money for food, and cigarettes." At least he is honest...

I park and walk pasts some scruffy men to get into the store. I stop by the bathroom, only to catch an obnoxious little boy crawling out from under the stall. After locking it (of course), and all the other stalls, except the one his mom is in. I thought about asking the kid to unlock the doors, but was afraid to cross his mom. She didn't look too friendly.

Anyway, I get a cart, but hold on to my purse, because I'm feeling a little on edge. I really don't like the type of people who shop at this Walmart...

Walking past the posters, I hear the teenage high-school drop outs saying, "Is there a poster of Lady Gaga?" I don't know whole lot about celebrities, but her name makes her sound disgusting, which makes those boys seem perverted.

I walk though the store, overly aware of my soundings. Actually, I'm pretty much paranoid, to the point that I think someone is stalking me. So I make a quick turn, zig-zag, and double back. Oh, good, he's gone now.

I continue shopping. Some guy says, "hey, how's it going?" I walk faster, thinking, "Do I know you? No, and this is not small-town Cascade, so you should not be talking to me."

I finish my shopping, and head for the exit. But first I'm stopped by the employee who wants to see my receipt, and make sure I didn't steel the envelopes, cereal, and milk.

Tonight, I was told that this particular store probably the most dangerous Walmart in the state of Colorado, as far as crime, and the number of people who have been murdered there. I don't care if it's the closest store to my house, and easy to get to, I need to pick a new place to shop.

Waiting...

The past couple days have been incredibly cold (feels like -37) and boring, because everything is canceled. Why would anyone go outside in this weather?

I'm sure the average person would enjoy spending a day at home, but not me...mostly because I would love to have a home to live in and spend my day at, but I don't. Technically I am living at Duane's parents, but usually I just sleep here, eat breakfast, and the occasional dinner...most of my time is spent at the office, the gym, outside (hiking), and various friend's houses.

Someday when Duane & I have a house/apartment/whatever (this summer), we can invite our friends over, but most of them have babies, so it's probably just easier to go to their houses...but still, we could invite people over if we wanted to, because we'd have a place to invite them to...

I guess the longer I'm in this state of limbo, the more I will appreciate the place I live, once I get to live there.

I am soooo looking forward to getting my stuff out of storage, and putting things away wherever they belong in that place where I will live. Making the wedding registry was fun too - how do I know what I need when I don't even know where I live? I guess that is really only a problem when it comes to curtains, because I need dishes and bedding regardless of where I live...

I just feel like I'm stuck in limbo waiting for this new season of life to actually start...but that's probably enough whining for now...

Reminiscing

Since I'm a facebook/blog stalker, I happen to know that one of my friends lives in PA now. So on my way to visit my mom, I stopped by Susie's and said "hi." I hadn't seen her since we graduated from college  almost 5 years ago.

We met back at Elim when we were 5 and 6 years old...were pen-pals for several yeas when I lived in PA, and she in VA and New Zealand...then we went to Elim together...and now we're both in full-time missions with YWAM...although I am a few years behind her on the whole getting married and having cute kids...that weird, because it wasn't that long ago we were kids...

...My 6th birthday party...

Winter Wonderland

Winter arrived bringing temperatures as low as -20, and a couple feet of snow. The scenery is rather romantic, but cold. Perfect weather for listening to Christmas music, while cuddling on the couch by a warm fire. Oh, but I am alone...and whining about it...

Duane stuck around for Thanksgiving week, helping me keep an eye on Steve and Lesley's house while they were away. I got the privileged of living in this nice house, while Duane got to come over for breakfast, put more wood in the fire, and give me a ride to the office. No wonder he went back to Colorado...

I tried biking to work one day. That was...interesting. While the snow falls constantly, the town of Cascade only plows from 2am to 6am. During the day it is the responsibility of commuters to keep a path cleared by driving on the roads. Once a few inches of snow accumulate, it's not so safe to bike, but it is kind of fun...like peddling through peanut-butter and then suddenly breaking free from it and sliding around the corner on 2 wheels...but bikes only have two wheels, further increasing the likelihood of falling over...a nice old guy asked if I had chains for my tires...no, but that might help...

Another thing to watch out for is icesickles. They can be deadly...check out the ones behind our local grocery store:

A couple days ago, I was sitting inside minding my own business and suddenly there was thunder (is that possible in 0 degree weather?), as an avalanche of ice and snow slid off the roof. I looked out the window as the wall of whiteness passed by on its way to landing on my freshly shoveled walkway...this seems to happen every few days depending on the amount of snow we receive, so maybe there is no point to shoveling? I guess I should just be sure to NOT be standing there waiting to get impaled by icesickles sliding off the roof...

We got 6+ inches of snow last night, so I went out to shovel (again). Thanks to the 2am-6am snow plow, there is quiet the mountain of snow at the end of the driveway. I just happened to be struggling with that, as a guy drove past in his little snow-plow cat, and plowed the mountain out of the way. People in small towns are so nice and helpful...

In other news, there was no food distribution today because the Semi delivering the food slid off the road...that gave me more time to sit at the office and print 1600 1/2 page inserts for in our base newsletter. The printer only prints at a rate of 200 (double-sided) pages per hour. I cut and fold twice as fast, leaving plenty of time for me to go to the bank, make phone calls, check facebook, chat with some hot guy on skype, all while waiting for the printer...until it ran out of ink, so I'm done with that for now...

Swati

Today, my Indian name was bestowed upon me. The past week we had friends from India speaking on our schools. So I asked them for an Indian name.

I decided to give my friends the freedom to name me whatever, even though I have some preferences (which I didn't tell them):
1) a name sounding similar to Becky - so I respond when people talk to me
2) starting with the letter S - like my middle name, because then I could change my middle name, but keep the same initial
3) a name meaning similar to Becky - Steadfast
4) something Americans can pronounce
But I would be open to anything that seemed fitting to my personality.

So tonight at the beginning of class I was given me my name: Swati (swa-tea). He said he thought of that name, because it sounds similar to Becky and it’s the name of a star – which is steadfast. The fact that my new name fits all my un-spoken specifications is confirmation that it’s a good name for me.

I looked up Swati on Google and found more meanings: Helper, compassion, lead/direct, ambitious, determined, loyal, independent, useful. People with this name tend to be very inspired, intuitive, and creative. Their aim is to improve the world and can be quite altruistic. They strive to see the "Big Picture" and achieve their dreams.

Meaning: Sword or Independence. Someone who is musical, artistic, creative, and intuitive. They have good business and financial skills and are good communicators. They are good learners, knowledgeable, curious and flexible in their approach. They can be vulnerable but are good survivors. However, they can also be changeable, restless, and fickle.

Name of a Star, Liquid Pearl, Dew drop. When used in conjunction with other words means Pure. Telugu people generally use the words in conj'Swathi Muthyam' means 'pure pearl'uction with other words like Muthyam(pearl), chinuku(raindrop) Ex: 'Swathi chinuku' means 'pure raindrop',

What I Have Learned...

How do we minister to street kids?
How do we rescue girls out of prostitution?
How do we have faith for an end to abuse and violence?
How do we live our lives knowing that the evils and injustices of the world are so much worse than we can even imagine?
How do we have hope in the midst of this?

I don’t have all of the answers
I can’t solve the world’s problems
But I do know the One who holds the world in His hands

He loves the widow who is struggling to survive
He loves the orphan who is lost and alone
He loves the children who run to the streets to escape the violence at home
He loves the girls who are trapped in prostitution with no way out
He loves the boys who have been forced to kill their friends

I cannot help them on my own.
It’s too hard
The needs are too overwhelming
The situations are too depressing
The statistics are too hopeless

I need more of Him.
I need to know His love
I need to feel His presence
I need to live in His peace
I need to be filled with His hope

Everything I do must be following His lead
What I say must come from what He’s spoken to me
How I love the hurting must be from the overflow of His love for me
All I do comes from Him
I must pray, listen, obey

Is that really so simple?
No, I have to know His voice
I have to spend time in His Word
In prayer
In worship
I have to know His truth,
so I can fight the lies of the enemy
I have to be confident in His love,
so I can keep walking when times are hard
knowing, He is with me!
I have to be able to praise Him
for who He is
in spite of what I see around me

He cares
He loves
He rescues
He restores

He is a God of Justice
In the end He wins
Evil looses

The slaves will be free
The broken will be healed
The orphan will have a home

Regardless of what happens here on earth,
“this suffering is not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Rom 8:18)
In the end, we win.

Emotions

Shock and disbelief
Seeing the evils of the world
Facts and statistics
Overwhelm my mind

Relieved to have been spared
But guilty of dumb complaints
Why would I deserve better,
While others suffer so much worse?

Learning His intention
For children and families
But seeing the reality
Is so far from His will

Depressed and hopeless
What difference could I make?
I can’t do it.
It’s too big for me.

Anger and betrayal
You could stop this!
What are you doing?
Why don’t you act?

Hurt and alone
Why am I even here?
Searching, seeking
But wanting to give up

Stubborn and determined
I’ll set out on my own.
Try to be strong
But I can’t do it!

I need you!
I need to be filled with your love
I want to hear your voice
I will go where you lead.

Leadership Styles

From the book: "Leadership and the One Minute Manager"

1) Directing is for people who lack competence but are enthusiastic and committed. They need direction and supervision to get them started.

2) Coaching is for people who have some competence but lack commitment. They need direction and supervision. Support and praise builds their self-esteem, and involvement in decision-making to restores their commitment.

3) Supporting is for people who have competence but lack confidence and motivation. Support is necessary to bolster their confidence and motivation.

4) Delegating is for people who have both competence and commitment. That doesn’t mean you give them a job and never check in again. It means talking about what you want them to do and setting parameters, goals, and times of feed-back.

I tend to think that everyone else is just like me. So I would use the style of leadership based on how I view the task. Something that seems simple, like cleaning the bathroom, can be delegated, but I have discovered there are people who have no idea how to clean a bathroom and need some coaching.

Leaders tend to only use only 2 styles – directing or delegating. I know I don’t like when things are just delegated to me, even if I do have the competence and the commitment. I still want follow-up and not just when I’m doing something wrong. I like to be told that I’m doing it well too, so I know I’m headed in the right direction. Even if it is being done well, it’s nice to receive advice on how to do even better.

Strategies

This first half of this week Greg taught on “Citywide Strategies,” being strategic in what we do, instead of just showing up someplace, assuming we know the problem and what to do. First we need to do research, find out what is taking place already, observe their daily activities, find out what the children need, and build relationships with people in the community. Then partner with other works in order to multiply the impact.

If we go in just making assumptions, we can end up causing more harm than good. In class, we read a case study of a man who started a shelter for street kids in India. He also gave some of the older kids jobs. After a few months, everyone was mad at him. He didn’t know that some of the kids had families, who were now upset that their child had someplace else to place to live and therefore no longer came home. Also the older kids had been part of a work which did a school program, but because of their new job, they missed so much they were not able to complete their current grade. Even his supporters was mad at him for not doing what they had expected him to do.

We also learned about “Early Encounter Project” which networks the Non-government organizations (NGO) working with children at risk, in order to form an alliance. This topic made me excited to find out what other work is going on where I'll be in India and network the them all together. I felt like I had already started. I have been contacting places in India, and ones in the states who do outreaches in India, as well as looking up other NGOs who work with street children and prostitution. I was really excited about the people I talked to and the potential work I can be involved in when I go to India in April. As I e-mailed people, they would refer me to other people/work they knew of, until at last, I got the jack-pot contact. I asked them about their children home, how to find housing, and then mentioned the things I wanted to work with while in India. Their response was pretty much that they knew all those people/things and if I let them know the dates and number of people in my team, they could set everything up for me – housing and the work schedule. That was pretty sweet, although slightly disappointing to realize there is no need for me to network these works – they already know each other and work together, which is good.

Learning About...Myself?

Last week in the girl’s small group, we did the “color code” personality quiz. 5 out of us 7 girls were primarily the “blue” personality type, with different secondary “colors.” (mine is white). The other 2 girls have blue as their secondary color.
Apparently "blue" is the personality type who want to work with Children At Risk - loyal, compassionate, orderly, over-achiever, and…emotional.

But I consider myself to be emotionally stable, not enthusiastic or expressive, and actually kind of boring. Granted the 4 personality types are the extremes, so the book's example of an extreme “blue” is the girl who freaks out and says, “I hate this, I hate Jason, I hate life, I don’t want to be here.” So now, when any of us girls are stressed out, overwhelmed, angry, etc, we blame Jason.

In the past week, I’ve realized that I am more emotional than I had thought. The other day, when the internet didn’t work at the place where we are staying, we went down the road to “Timmy’s Restaurant” bought juice or soda and used the free internet. As I walked home my thoughts were, “I am mad about the price of plane tickets, stressed out about not knowing what I’m doing after this, depressed about how bad the world is and how hopeless it seems, mad that I don’t know what to do about it, or even what to ask the Father, overwhelmed by the never-ending homework and inability to focus, and tired of cold showers. But glad I got dreads so I don't need to wash my hair.”

That’s when I realized "wow, I am emotional." Maybe not as emotional as most girls, because I suppress it until the bajillions of little things add up, so maybe I should let it out. So I turned to my friend Amanda, and said, “I hate Jason.” Then we told the maintance guy that the girl’s showers were cold, so he fixed it.

I'm not really sure how I managed to make it this far in life thinking I’m not emotional, when I stop and consider how often I cry, or how I get overwhelmed by all I need to do, panic, and then an hour later realize I’m done with all that, and now I have nothing to do.

That might not be emotional as much as an inability to multitask. But I had thought I was good at that too. I just have a limit of about 3 major tasks/projects at 1 time.

One of the reasons I like modular learning is because there is 1 topic at a time and all the homework is related. We finish that topic and the next week have a new one. As opposed to college where every hour you switch topics, and then spend free time trying to figure out which homework to do first. I do much better focusing on one thing at a time, crossing it off the list and then moving on to the next thing.

Anyway, there's some insight into me...and I really like personality tests, because it helps me understand myself and others, and how to better relate with them...and wow, you mean not everybody thinks like me?

Worry

Something new I learned was in a little bunny trail. That is, the Father gives us grace for the difficulties in life, and He walks through it with us. But we don’t get grace to worry. We don’t get grace for hypothetical situations. So live your life and stop worrying about what could happen...

Because He Is Worthy...

The video session on values was amazing. “Seeing something of greater value gives us the obligation to chose it over something of lesser value.” The example being would you like a $10 bill or a $20 bill? Duh. But would you rather have $10 American, or 100 Indian Rupees? It gets tricky if you don't know the value of the object.

How we define ourselves is rooted in a value system. If I drive a nice car, I feel good about myself. But if I drive an old piece of junk, I am more humble than you, and therefore I can still feel good about myself. If I have been to more countries and have a longer quiet time, than I am more spiritual too, right?

So what is the most valuable thing in the world? Or more simply: which is bigger, the value of the Father or the value of man? When you put it that way, does it really matter what car I drive, or where I have been...

“The Father is worthy of your life. We are obligated to choose Him, because He is the most valuable thing in the universe.”

This means the motive for why I do what I do, is because He is worthy of my life and when I do what He has called/gifted me to do, it brings Him pleasure. Any other motive, just isn’t good enough.

So now I know the answer to the question: what is your motive for taking this school and wanting to work with kids? Because He is worthy.

It sounds so simple, yet so complicated at the same time...

A Dread-full Weekend

I’m been thinking about it for about 18 months now. That partly the fault of the persuasive visionary guys I work with in Idaho. Fortunately I have the motherly/sisterly influences in my life to thank for speaking wisdom and keeping me from doing such crazy things…until now.
The long process started during an evening movie. It is funny how neat and orderly I am. Even as Dehan was making the dreads, I would comb out the remaining hair and clip it out of the way, so it wouldn’t get tangled any sooner than necessary. 

It’s more amusing in light of today’s class on “Inner Healing.” Our speaker asked, “what are the things you hide behind?” My immediate thought was, “being perfect, meeting people’s expectations, and being who they expect me to be”, the irony is, at that moment my hair was half dreaded.


Maybe I have reached the point where I decided not to let people tell me who I should be, and how I should act, look, etc. Or maybe I just wanted to have fun, and be free from my own perfectionism.  

The fact is I hide, by hiding, trying to blend in and be invisible. In college I got a haircut and all the comments/complements made me suddenly discover I am not invisible. With dreads, I think it will be nearly impossible to just blend in. I scare myself when I look in the mirror. But I also love the element of surprise, when people say, “I would not have expected that from you.” 

My little sister changes her hair style all the time, while I’m usually too cheap and lazy to do anything, but when I do…maybe I should not go to such extremes…
But it is so windy here that my hair gets tangled anyway, so at least this way, it’s neat and orderly tangles which I can hopefully remove in 2 months. I do dread the thought of taking them out, it’s probably more painful than getting it done, but not impossible…I will however need a hair cut to fix the damage...
I'll have take them out before I go to India, because thanks to the reputation of all those druggy hippie tourists…so I obviously can’t have dreads and be a follower if the Father. This is why I have dreads now, in Costa Rica…pretty much a once in a life-time opportunity which I couldn’t pass up...

Psalm 10 - My Resonse

Wounded child, cry no more
He will rise up on your behalf
The hurt you experienced
You did not deserve
He sees your pain
He hears your cries
Fatherless orphan, do not fear
You are not forsaken
He is your Father
He will never leave you
Your hurts He longs to heal
He will wipe every tear away
He is King forever
The oppressor He will crush
The victim He will free
The orphan He will adopt

Why Are We Here?

This past week Janna taught on “Why We’re Here: A Framework for Action”

This week was about setting the foundation for working with Children in Risk. We talked about the needs, as well as our motives for working with Children. We learned the Father's intention for children to be raised in family. Janna had some fun projects for us to do, to help us better understand what role we want to play in working with Children.

One project was writing out what Word says the Father will do, and what the Word says we get to do. While doing this project I also learned about the random creativity of some of the guys in my class.
The thing that impacted me the most this week was talking about motives, and how everything I do has to come out of my relationship with the Father. During class, Janna challenged us with “There is a lot of pain on the way to establishing hope – you have to go to the most hopeless place and find God there. Can you keep going back to God? And finding Him to be good?”

That statement made me think about the past few years of my life and the Word: “I would have lost heart, had I not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Ps 27:13). Life was dark for awhile and sometimes just existing seemed painful, but the Father has been faithful through it all. I have seen His goodness so much especially in the past couple years. Remembering the Father’s faithfulness in the past gives me hope that I will be able to trust Him and find Him to be good, even in the midst of hopelessness. It also makes me even more aware of my need to spend time daily reading the Word, and growing in my relationship with the Father.

What Do I Know?

After 3 months together for the D-school lecture phase, Thanksgiving break is the little sample of what it will be like to be apart. Usually we end up in little groups – some going to see their families and others tagging along for the fun of it. After a week we return to Idaho refreshed, re-energized, and ready to go to India.

For break this year, I’m excited to not go anywhere, just stay home and do nothing…or at least try to be as lazy as possible.

But this break is harder than in past years, because though most everyone is coming back, it’ll only be for a few days, then they’ll leave for India, and I’ll still be here. Of course then I’m leaving too – to go visit family, do a school in Costa Rica, and then an outreach in India. I won’t be back till September. That’s so far way.

So today I said “bye” to 3 of my friends. 1 who did lecture phase, but isn’t coming back for outreach. The other 2 are going to Utah to staff the D-school there, so I will probably see them again…in October.Still my heart is heavy thinking of the more good-byes to come as the team leaves for India in just 2 weeks. I’ve known all along that I’m not going with them. I am confident that I’m doing what the Father wants me to do. I’m excited to spend the holidays with my family (after being in India the last 2 winters). I can’t wait to go to Costa Rica, and then hopefully India too.

But 10 months is so long to be away from home, from a place that had been home for only such a short time. While I am so excited about the future, it’s still so hard to let go of the now. Why can’t I have it all?

The song playing on my computer right now is “What do I know of Holy” by Addison Road. “…I guess I thought that I had figured You out, I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about how You were mighty to save, those were only empty words on a page, then I caught a glimpse of who You might be, The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees, What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? …What do I know of Holy? What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? And a Man who gave life "its" name? What do I know of Holy? Of the One who the angels praise? All creation knows Your name on earth and heaven above, What do I know of this love?”

I think, what do I know of Holy? Of life? Of eternity? Of the Father who holds the world His hands? The Father who loves me. I can trust Him and rest secure in the knowledge that He knows what’s best for me, and my friends, and He has great plans for all of us. I have only a glimpse of who we are becoming, and only the Father knows where will be go and what we’ll do in the years to come. I can't wait for see what that is.

Though I may not see these friends for a while, or maybe our paths will never cross on earth, I know I’ll see them again in a place called “Holy” and it's going to be great!

Between now and then, I’ll meet new friends. More people to love...and to miss when it comes time to say “good bye.” I’d rather cry when I say “bye” and know I’ll miss them, then to regret that I never got really to know them in the first place.

While it's hard now, to not go to India with the team, I know that spending time getting to know them and growing with them for the last 3 months, only to say "good bye", is worth it…