Attachment Disorder

This week we have been learning about Attachment Disorder.

Attachment is “the initial relationship between self and others, which serves as a blueprint for all future relationships” – Bowlby. Attachment provides security, helps a child learn to process information and reach intellectual potential, develop a conscience, learn to cope with stress, develop self-esteem and independence, and form other attachments.

Barbara told us of an article she read about a nice guy who randomly killed someone in cold blood. It doesn’t make sense that a man could kill, with no remorse or guilt. Unless you look at his childhood and realize he was abused as a baby, and his parents were on drugs and neglectful.

During the first year of life a baby learns to trust, as the parents respond to their cries and meet their needs. Or if their cries are ignored, or result abuse, they learn not to feel and don’t develop a sense of good/bad or right/wrong.

Then during the second year the child learns boundaries, as the parents don’t let the child be in control or give them everything they want – toys, candy, etc.

A child with attachment disorder grows up thinking they are bad, unwanted, helpless, and unlovable, that care-givers are unresponsive, hurtful, and untrustworthy, the world is not safe. They don’t trust others and try to control their environment. Oddly enough rich families who over-indulge their children end up with the same results as a poor family whose children are neglected. This is because children don’t need things; they need people – relationships - attachment.

Some recommended reading 
When love is not enough by Nancy Thomas
Dandelion on my pillow, butcher knife underneath by Nancy Thomas
Building the bonds of attachment – novel
Attachment, trauma, and healing – textbook
Boundaries with kids by Henry Cloud