Monologue...

How was your trip? When people ask that, I instantly feel nervous because I’m suddenly the center of attention, and that question could take a long time to answer. Then I’ve got to figure out if they want a short answer, or a longer answer, or a story, or if they are just asking that to be nice but they don’t really don’t want to listen to me monologue.

The question also makes me feel very alone. I think back to when my team first returned from India. We had a few days of debrief and then graduation. Some of our families came a couple days before graduation. One evening 5 of us students were chillin in the kitchen with some of our moms. The moms got a glimpse of the past 6 months of our lives, as the 5 of us told story after story. We laughed as we remembered the funny things that had happened and of course teased each other for anything we could think of. It was fun…

Back at home Alissa and I have talked to various friends and showed them pictures of Idaho and India. When there’s both of us, we remember more stories and take turns telling them. But when there’s just me, I don’t know where to begin (especially if I don’t have my pictures with me). I don’t like being the center of attention. It feels unnatural, like a performance. "Lets listen to Becky nervously monologue again". But I’m usually good a monologuing when I’m nervous, or tired, or trying to keep the driver awake, so we don’t all die in a car wreck…

Anyway, I have come a long way when it comes to public speaking. In India I introduced dramas and shared my testimony. I like speaking with a translator, because: 1) the people listening have no clue what I’m saying so 2) it doesn’t matter if I word things strangely, because the translator will fix it and 3) I only have to say one line at a time, and while the translator translates, I can think of what to say next. I also got used to sharing things with the whole team (14 of us), but that didn’t feel like public speaking. That was more like a conversation over dinner, only more deep and personal than would be normal. But if just 1 person who I don't know, is in the group, I get nervous again.